Salem Burns Hot: Juli 2009

Mittwoch, 29. Juli 2009

system of a measurement

This is one of the things I´ll probably never get. I am used to the metric system. Which means I am 184 centimeters tall. I also weigh kilograms, not pounds. I drink litres, not gallons nor pints. And inches are reserved for computer screens and drainpipes.

So if a girl tells me, she is 5'5" tall I don´t get it at all, she may be somewhere between a midget and a giant.

Usually I get over this handicap by stacking my old computer screens. I know, this one was a 15" screen, the others were 17", 19" and so on... So with plenty of screens and some easy math I am able to tell whether said girl is tall or not.
Quite interesting for the neighbourhood to watch the old nerd stacking screens again.

But recently, German law (and Austria always imitates what Germans start, even if it´s complete nonsense) decided, that computer screen manufacturers and sellers have to declare the screen width in centimeters.

So this is the utter madness how the world of normally grown people will end. You may be big as King Kong standing on Godzillas shoulders, I´ll never find out.

the devil in a block of cheese

Yes, the Prince of Darkness is in your daily cheese. See him? The devil cheese?
Nope, I won´t sell my personal cheese devil on ebay. T´is my cheese and my devil.

the big voodoo doll scares jehova´s witnesses out of the front yard

This is a really big voodoo doll. During the day it scares Scientologists and Jehova´s Witnesses out of the front yard, and at night... Huh, you really wanna know what this one does at night?

By the way, we have voodoo shirts now, "doo yoo voo doo too?" and "let me be your voodoo doll" at the daedric (and now voodoo too) shirt shop!

what are these strawberries doing on my nipples i need them for the fruit salad

This is an example for Google´s search suggestions. Yes, what actually ARE these strawberries doing on my nipples when I need them for the fruit salad?

Montag, 27. Juli 2009

do midgets have night vision II

As stated before in the article "do midgets have night vision", I started some research on that topic.
So get loaded in this:

What is it we learned from that?
Nope, midgets do not have night vision, because dwarves have night vision and work for good ol´ Sauron in the mines of Mordor. But midgets see better, because they are closer to the floor. Hm.
Btw. I wonder what "our garden variety of midgets" is... I have a couple of lawn gnomes in my garden and they, that´s for sure, don´t have night vision.

Thanks, I will note these facts and continue my research, whether midgets do have night vision or not.

Update: Yess, I found the answer, whether midgets do have night vision or not!

question: do midgets have night vision? answer: Yes!

victorian anti boner device

Well, a relic from the victorean era is the Spermatorrhea Ring. Guess where to put it? Right, fix it at your penis before you go to sleep.
Because victorian people believed (at least certain "doctors" and old wives), that masturbation and wet dreams have terrible effects on your body. Like blindness for example. So they invented this:
anti boner device

This device gives the evening prayer a whole new meaning.

Dear Lord,
please don´t make me dream of Liz Vicious tonight,
or the dong you gave me in your superior wisdom
will be gone...

View the source for more strange medial instruments: 8 Terrifying Instruments Old-Time Doctors Used on Your Junk

Sonntag, 26. Juli 2009

do midgets have night vision?

Yeah, do midgets have night vision, that´s the question everybody needs to know nowadays. I just wanted to know why the word midget will be banned in near future, but night vision... very interesting.

do midgets have night vision

Update: Yess, I found the answer, whether midgets do have night vision or not!

question: do midgets have night vision? answer: Yes!

Update: Yess, I found the answer, whether midgets do have night vision or not!

question: do midgets have night vision? answer: Yes!

Who ya gonna call?

GHOST BUSTERS!
Yeah, trap it. Can´t be allowed for random people to float around, walk on water and turn good drinking water to nasty alcohol!

ghost busters jesus

the prince of darkness - devil shirts ^^

Tired of angels, which are just another poultry anyways?
Here it is, I can see it. The prince of darkness, devourer of souls and flesh, the fallen one, master of the darkest pits of hell! :D

Get it while it´s hot!

Samstag, 25. Juli 2009

survival of the fittest - funny milk commercials

Oh yeah, was searching for these milk spots I love em

Mittwoch, 22. Juli 2009

magic based tower defense game

Everybody knows tower defense games, at least every geek knows. But this GemCraft one is really different. You are a wizard, and a powerful one indeed. You cast spells, build towers and create different, colorful gems. Each color got it´s own special ability. Place your gems wisely and shoot down the evil monsters, before they manage to take your tower down.

But the main difference to other tower defense games is the fact, that GemCraft has got a storyline and you can gain levels and distribute your skillpoints to different magic skills! I think, these roleplaying elements make this game different from common tower defense games.

play the color tower defense game

The website is in german, but the game itself is in english.

Dienstag, 21. Juli 2009

evil pig computer hackers^^

Sometimes I admire the by far underestimated intelligence of the common pig. Hell, I´d hire that one as security manager for my company :D

religion part II - i´m just sick of that

A religious court in Malaysia has sentenced a tearful Singaporean Muslim model to six strokes of the cane after she drank beer in a nightclub, reports say.

Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, 32, pleaded guilty to consuming alcohol at a hotel nightclub in the eastern state of Pahang last year, the New Straits Times newspaper reported on Tuesday.

yahoo source

What the hell is going on there?
I mean... a religion may never ever gain the power to decide what people do with their own body. Never.

Cane and shackles are reserved for the bedroom.

something about religion

As you might have imagined, I am definitely not christian. In fact, I consider the church as one of the most annoying things in this country.
But there is one thing, that may be able to convert me:
nun hottie : hot pictures

enjoy life

Hell Yeah! This is exactly what I have in mind. Just don´t give a fuck on anything, you only have nine lives!

toys for lonely nature lovers

A Serbian woman is recovering from a painful operation after doctors removed from her vagina a large pine cone.

According to Dr. Sava Bojovic, the woman was lonely and the pine cone got stuck when she tried to remove it from her vagina. Mirjana Gavaric of Belgrade, according to newspapers, underwent the 2-hour operation after surgeons said it appeared the woman tried to have sex with the seed pod.

So what the hell is going on out there? I doubt she inserted an open pine cone, but a closed one into her vagina. Seems to be a good idea first, to use the nice pine cone mother nature gave us, for pleasure. But those nasty bastards tend to open when it´s warm and humid. Of course, pine cones want their seeds to spread when chances to survive are best.

Unfortunately, a vagina is not what evolution had in mind when programming "warm and humid" into the genetic code of all the little pine cones out there.
I´d grow trees from the seeds and use the wood for bedroom furniture. Probably an interesting aphrodisiac, at least placebo for the freaks out there^^

Donnerstag, 16. Juli 2009

explicit village names

The following villages may only be inhabited by people 18+

Intercourse, Lancaster County

Hooker, USA (actually, there are 10 locations called Hooker in the US)

Fucking, Austria

proof that the moonlanding is a hoax

Well, here is the footage, a slice of the "NASA" video that shows the landing on the moon surface:

Really? Footage? Guys... I like this video, but for the proof, we need MOAR!

These guys, they did it the right way:

how to deal with...

It´s german, but the tone makes it obvious I guess...

So we know, how to deal with stupid people in public ^_^

Mittwoch, 15. Juli 2009

helloo... me kitty

Ok, there is a lot of crazy stuff circulating on the interwebs, but this one is one of the stangest. I found this nice... erm... toy of rather feminine nature.

hello kitty vibrator

Nope, it´s neither a pen, nor a microphone...

hello kitty sextoy

So it is not an urban legend like we first thought. Yet some say, it´s a shoulder massager, others say, it´s uncomfortable because the switch is hard to reach when active... Others say, the original hello kitty company sold a licence for toy production, without thinking of a special agreement against the production of vibsies.
Well, who cares anyway? It´s gross and deserves it´s place amongst the 10 strangest items on the webs.

Summer Breeze 2009 Bands List

Ok, the Summer Breeze Team announced a list of all confirmed bands for the Summer Breeze Open Air Festival 2009.
I´d say THIS is a remarkable slice of Metal Music!

These are all confirmed bands:

AMON AMARTH - AMORPHIS - ANAAL NATHRAKH - BACKYARD BABIES - BATTLELORE - BEFORE THE DAWN - BENEATH THE MASSACRE - BENIGHTED - BLACK MESSIAH - BLACK SUN AEON - BORN FROM PAIN - BRAINSTORM - BURY ME DEEP - CALLEJÓN - CANTUS BURANUS - CARNIFEX - CATARACT - CYNIC - DAGOBA - DEADLOCK - DEATHSTARS - ELVENKING - ENTOMBED - EQUILIBRIUM - EPICA - EVERGREEN TERRACE - EVOCATION - EXCREMENTORY GRINDFUCKERS - FIREWIND - GHOST BRIGADE - GOD DETHRONED - GRAND MAGUS - GRAVE - HACKNEYED - HAGGARD - HATE - HATE ETERNAL - JACK SLATER - J.B.O. - KATATONIA - KATRA - KOLDBRANN - KREATOR - KRYPTERIA - LEGION OF THE DAMNED - LIFE OF AGONY - MISERY INDEX - MOONSPELL - NARZISS - NIM VIND - OBSCURA - ONE WAY MIRROR - OPETH - POWERWOLF - PROTEST THE HERO - PSYCHOPUNCH - PSYCROPTIC - RAUNCHY - RAZOR OF OCCAM - SABATON - SACRED STEEL - SCHANDMAUL - SECRETS OF THE MOON - SKYFORGER - SUFFOCATION - SYLOSIS - THE CUMSHOTS – THE FACELESS - THE HAUNTED - THE NEW BLACK - THE OTHER - THE RED CHORD - THE SORROW - THE STORM - UNHEILIG - UNLIGHT - UNSUN - URGEHAL - VADER - VOIVOD - VOLBEAT - VOMITORY - VREID - WALLS OF JERICHO – WAYLANDER

Check out the Summer Breeze Open Air here:

Or go directly to the Summer Breeze Bands List!

Omega Lithium will release album "Dreams In Formaline" in September!

Quite cool, Omega Lithium will release the debut album "Dreams In Formaline", on September 18 via Drakkar Records.
They also added their Song "Dreams in Formaline" to the VF player, so we can listen to it for free. Such nice people deserve this extra entry :D

Check them out at VF!

Dienstag, 14. Juli 2009

how to detect crabs

Captain Phil explains his unique theory on detecting where the crabs are...

5 scientific reasons, a zombie apocalypse could actually happen

They found out recently that if you try to leave a little kid in a graveyard late at night, he'll freak out. Even if you offer to leave him a gun to protect himself. Why? It's because on some instinctual level, all humans know it's just a matter of time until the zombies show up...

view the sauce & learn more about the real zombie apocalypse!

misfortunes happen

Murphy´s law...

Once trapped it may happen that some others own ya... Well, misfortunes happen.

Sonntag, 12. Juli 2009

dentist or what?

This happens, when designers work alone and don´t ask others to rate the product. They are in their work that much, so they don´t realize their creation´s true appearance.
Or maybe they did it on purpose? We´ll never know :D
dentist or brothel

Summer Breeze Open Air Festival

Last year it was really amazing. 11 hours of traffic jam, we were drinking beer and fresh, hot coffee. Some metalheads plundered the cornfields, others used a megaphone to annoy the oncoming traffic.
Great fun that was, especially the bus behind us, who treated the whole platoon with Behemoth-Ultrasound.

We managed to arrive at 2 am in Dinkelsbühl, still able to find a suitable campsite. The whole festival was an awesome experience, so we decided to visit Summer Breeze again this year. Metal forever!

Yeah, I decided to take loads of photos this year, but we will see... Pictures are only good if the photographer isn´t drunk when taking them :D

I am seriously looking forward!

the ugliest dog of the world

uh yes, this one is really one of the ugliest bastards i´ve ever seen. only those nude molerats are uglier...
Funny Pictures

Samstag, 11. Juli 2009

Evanescence / Ergo Proxy AMV

Nice work, Iwan: This is an AMV of Evanescence´s Whisper amd Ergo Proxy. I simply love dark AMVs! Enjoy:

gaffa tape

Gaffa tape is pretty cool if you have to fix your bike and have no clue how to use that screwed screwdriver.
It also works, if you want your best foe to stay at the bus station over night, but that you can use tape as an alternative to babysitters is new to me.

tape babysitter strange

Omega Lithium

Stigmata, the new Omega Lithium Video is on YouTube now!
You like it? Then feel free to post comments :)

best petshop ever

Ever wanted to open a petshop and wondered how to call it?
Well, this petshop owner was rather creative, so they get 8/10 pts for being pretty awesome :D
pet shop called pussies and bitches

graffiti

Last week, I just returned from a photoshoot, there i found a wall of graffities. Since I love street-art, i decided to post the stuff right here.

On my tour I found this:

and this:

aaand, ladies & gentlemen, this graffiti one:

Want to top this? Get ready your stencils and make your town pretty!
But don´t just tag silly names on the walls, really, don´t.

Freitag, 10. Juli 2009

one happy guinea pig

usually I don´t like guinea pigs - except buttered and roasted.
but this guy makes me laugh:
happy guinea pig

Mittwoch, 8. Juli 2009

Cute and Scary

I always wondered why people consider the one thing as terrifying and the other one as cute. Just compare those 2 cuties.Both have the same eyes, both are furry, sweet and sexy.
The only differences are the legs and the names.

pug

tarantula

testing

Since the specific site does not offer sitemaps, let´s try this...

Vollhirsch Pullover

Mittwoch, 29. Juli 2009

Montag, 27. Juli 2009

Sonntag, 26. Juli 2009

Samstag, 25. Juli 2009

Mittwoch, 22. Juli 2009

Dienstag, 21. Juli 2009

Donnerstag, 16. Juli 2009

Mittwoch, 15. Juli 2009

Dienstag, 14. Juli 2009

Sonntag, 12. Juli 2009

Samstag, 11. Juli 2009

Freitag, 10. Juli 2009

Mittwoch, 8. Juli 2009

search the ashes

the fire spreads

burn your greedy claws

this is the right charcoal

burning clothes

glowing catacombs

burning frenzy